That Little Cottage
by 12crazythomas
Summary: This is a oneshot, all-human, slash lemon and it's quite funny how it came to be. It started out as a funny, innocent little red robin story and it turned into THIS. Rated romance/humor because I don't know where you would put this story.


_ It was intended to be funny, but ended up being a lemon. You can thank the combination of a particular author on here and me for what crazy story you're about to endure. Enjoy!_

…

Once upon a time in a far away land there lived a gorgeous prince. Now this man was different than most men his age because he was … well, gay.

He always knew he was gay, especially when his friend Mike was acting "creepy." Then the prince turned the creepiness around on Mike, causing Mike to freak out and become … straight. That caused the prince, Edward, much sadness for he had no one to rape anymore. Edward suffered torture from his parents pressuring him to marry a beautiful, rich, eligible woman. No one knew about the prince's preference until that fateful ball when he saw "him."

Jacob, the even more gorgeous knight had been invited to the ball at King's Hill, where prince Edward skulked about. He was due to marry the butcher's daughter the very next day and he saw this as his bachelor's party. Now, he stood at the table with a goblet of wine with a napkin covering the top.

Edward had been avoiding dancing with girls all night. Jacob meanwhile chatted amiably with a few flustered girls, even though he was due to marry. It was an arranged marriage and Jacob was particularly unwilling. Edward approached the knight with a smile.

"How goes it, Jacob?" Jacob forced a smile.

"Well, and for you my prince?"

"Quite well, my good knight." Edward grinned like an idiot. They both stood in silence until Edward saw Mike out of the corner of his green eyes.

"Jacob, I need your assistance." Edward gripped Jacob's thick arm and pulled him outside just as Mike screamed, "Jacob! Don't do it!" Jacob let the prince drag him into a random carriage.

"What do you need assistance with, sire?" Jacob asked awkwardly. Edward looked at him with sad, puppy-dog eyes.

"I'm lonely." He whined. Jacob didn't quite get what he meant for a moment.

Then Jacob's eyes widened before he threw the carriage door open and threw himself out. Edward grabbed the knight's feet. The carriage was rumbling down a dirt road and Jacob screamed.

"LET GO OF ME!" Edward yanked Jacob back into the carriage.

"Geez, suicidal much?" Jacob cringed away from his touch.

"Get away from me!" Edward narrowed his eyes.

"I'm your prince, I can order you to do whatever I want."

Jacob thought about what he said and winced. He was incredibly fearful of what was to happen next.

"Um... w-what do you want me to do, sire?" Jacob asked carefully. Edward leaned back in his seat and straightened his short brown hair.

"I want you … to dance to polka music." Jacob raised an eyebrow. Edward then began to chuckle. "Wow, aren't you stupid! My interests lie in other regions." Jacob started to sweat as he realized that he'd wished Edward had actually wanted him to dance.

Edward suddenly grinned impishly.

"So, sir knight, will you do as your prince bideth you to do?" Jacob bowed his head and cringed.

"Yes, your highness." Edward smiled happily.

"Don't worry, I'll be gentle just … don't struggle." Jacob's eyes popped open wider than they already were.

"Wait … what?" Suddenly, Edward pulled Jacob out of the carriage and towards the woods it was parked by.

Jacob could have easily overpowered Edward and gone for help, but for that he would have been shunned from the order and still forced to marry Isabella. Maybe, he thought, if he did what Edward wanted, he could get out of marrying her.

"Where are we going, sire?" Edward admired Jacob for continuing to treat him with such respect even though he was dragging him through the forest and planned on releasing some "tension." Edward looked back at Jacob's shiny dark hair and eyes.

"Somewhere no one will find us." Jacob was inside having a panic attack. Holy mother of all things holy, the prince was gay! _His_ _prince_ _was_ _gay_! These thoughts were running through his mind as Edward yanked him into a clearing where a small cottage rested. Before Jacob could blink he was being shoved through the door. The door slammed behind him as he was enveloped in darkness. Then a match was struck and Jacob could see again.

Edward wore an evil smile and cold grass eyes that kept looking him up and down.

"Sire, I-

"Oh, my dear knight, please, call me Edward." Edward interjected as he lit a lantern, revealing a small, bare cabin. Dust floated all around them.

"_Edward_, I'm not quite sure what's going on here and if it's what I indeed suspect, I'm not one-hundred percent on this." Jacob warned. Edward, apparently not paying one scrap of attention to what he just said, took a step back and admired the larger, muscular man.

"This place brings back memories. Mike and I used to come here all the time and … well, you know." Edward closed the old window curtains. Jacob's eyes looked as if they were going to pop out of its sockets.

"What! You're a homosexual?" He exclaimed. Such a stupid question to ask, one would think, when he already knew the answer. It seemed as if Jacob was a complete imbecile, but he was not. Jacob just couldn't believe Prince Edward, alleged womanizer, was going to have his way with him.

"That doesn't matter, now, let's have some fun!" Edward laughed while Jacob cringed back towards the wooden door.

"Uh, sire, I mean, Edward, please don't!" Edward's eyes were glowing dark and dangerous as he advanced towards Jacob. Jacob slammed backwards against the door and closed his eyes. Suddenly Edward was pressing Jacob against the door and breathing heavily on Jacob's neck. Jacob stood as still as a statue. Edward looked up through hooded eyes.

"Will you give me what I ask of?" Jacob swallowed thickly. He wanted to say no, oh how he wanted to say no.

"Yes, yes, my Lord."

They stood in silence as Edward pondered about what he was going to do. Edward was indeed excited about it. He hadn't had another special man since Mike eight years ago. He had been with women before, but they didn't hold the same excitement he was used to. Now, he could barely contain himself. Edward wanted to get started as soon and roughly as possible. But he wanted to drag it out, like a little foreplay.

"The shirt." Edward ordered. Jacob, shaking his head, questioned his motives yet again.

"Repeat that, will you?" Jacob asked in a small, scared voice.

"Take off your shirt." Edward growled. Reluctantly, Jacob did as he demanded. He pulled off his dirty coat and cotton shirt, revealing a rather nice and war-hardened body. Edward licked his lips nervously and laid a hand on an ab, sending an excited jolt through his body. Jacob still had his eyes closed in disbelief. Edward tore off his shirt, the excitement causing him to become rather rash and his pants were starting to become tight as well.

"Your pants as well Jacob." This time Jacob opened his eyes and hesitated. His prince stood shirtless before him. Jacob gulped before slowly peeling off his leather boots and dropping his breaches to the ground. Edward noted with disappointment that the man was not eager nor hard. Quickly the prince peeled off his fine shoes and pants before stepping forward and delicately taking one hand to trail down Jacob's bicep. Jacob wanted to shove the hand away. It felt dirty but he held still. Edward took a step closer and murmured.

"I have waited for this moment." Jacob felt sick at that moment. He sure hadn't.

"I-I..." Jacob didn't know what to say to make it stop. Who was he going to tell? His parents? What were they going to do? Nothing, that's what!

How about the king? No, Edward's father would do nothing to help out a lowly _knight_.

"What?" Edward asked as his hand went down farther and farther.

"Nothing, Edwa-

"AHH!" Jacob screamed out at Edward grasping Jacob.

"Shh..." Edward looked down again in disappointment to see Jacob was still not yet hard. He then tsked. "Not quite there, am I right, Jacob?" Jacob wouldn't look at Edward for fear that he would either break into a rage or start crying out for his mommy.

Edward enjoyed watching Jacob's expressions. Still, it was also a pity for Edward to see poor Jacob so out of whack.

"Ok Jacob. Now, turn around." Jacob met Edward's eyes once more before doing as he asked. Edward wrapped his arms around Jacob's waist and kissed the back of his neck. Jacob felt sickly woozy and extended his arms towards the wall.

Jacob could feel Edward smiling against his neck as his hand dipped down to grasp Jacob again. Jacob gritted his teeth as he cringed slightly and not in a good way. Edward pressed himself into Jacob and let his hands roam across Jacob's muscled body. Meanwhile Jacob stood as still as he could be with his eyes bugged out of his head. This wasn't how he had planned his evening after the royal ball. Jacob still stood still as he heard Edward's breathing increase. Then Edward was trailing wet, open mouthed kissed down Jacob's bare back.

"I want you Jacob , more than I've ever wanted anyone before." Jacob almost puked in his mouth.

"Yes sire."

Edward's breaths became short and heavy. Jacob's breathing also started to increase, though he didn't know why.

"Good, now try to be limp." Edward requested and he flung him roughly to the floor. Jacob started to get up, but Edward was holding him down and rubbing his back.

"I can't take this anymore. Pleas st-

And then Edward began pounding inside of Jacob. Jacob screamed out in pain as Edward thrusted in and out quickly. Jacob, bent on the pain, hopelessly felt as though he was going to die. Edward, on the other hand, was thrilled to be releasing all this pent up tension. He wasn't this enthralled since the butler six years ago.

Meanwhile while Edward was enthralled in his own rapture something amazing happened to Jacob. He wasn't in pain anymore, in fact a heat was starting build in his abdomen. He was beginning to get hard now too. Before he realized what was happening he let out a low groan. Edward paused for a moment, panting.

"You ok?" Jacob blinked as a drop of sweat ran down into his eyes.

"Uhh, yeah, actually." Edward shuddered before he resumed.

Now there were two voices letting out sounds of pleasure into the room. Jacob was crying out Edward's name at each thrust and shuddering, just ready to cum when

*BAM*

the door flew open revealing soldiers' faces. The expression on Edward and Jacob's faces were priceless.

"Um … ugh … er..." Jacob stammered. Edward pulled out of Jacob and jumped up.

"I know what it looks like and … it's exactly what it looks like." Edward admitted. The warriors looked from the erect prince to the knight lying on the floor.

"Your highness, we apologize, but do you need our assistance?" One of the more dominant knights asked. Jacob found himself wanting them to leave. It surprised him to think that.

"Get out!" Jacob shuddered. Edward looked back, astounded. The knights glared.

"What did you sa-

"Leave." Edward added. With a shrug, the dominant knight shoved the other three out and left as well. Jacob stood up as quickly as he could and attacked Edward from behind, shoving him up against the door.

"Let's see how you like it!" Jacob pulled Edward down to his knees and started hammering into Edward. Edward's smile grew on his face he realized Jacob had finally come around. Edward growled out Jacob's name as he came hard. Jacob, with one final, heavy thrust, leaked out of Edward and collapsed beside him. Jacob then pulled Edward close to him.

"I knew I picked the right one..." Edward breathed into Jacob's ear. Jacob nodded.

"You sure did, Edward."

…

_And yeah, that's my first lemon! You like? Review!_


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